Give us a call at 1-800-I<3-BOOB (but not really)

About the Site

This blog is going to be all about healing and inspiration. It’s about how to remain positive when life throws you a curve ball and how to live your best life.

JK! It’s not going to be about any of that.

Not that there’s anything wrong with healing, inspirational websites, I just don’t have the soul heart needed to create one.

No, this blog will be the opposite of healing and inspirational. It will be about how best to be anxious and freak-out when faced with pretty much any reason to be concerned. It will preach the polar opposite of “remaining positive,” because being whiny just works for me. So, I guess, in a way, it kinda’ is about how to live your best life. (Your results may vary).

By the way, I’m Karen. I’m “the Boob” in the site name.

This site will contain a great deal of complaining, apprehensive hand-wringing, and frequent drops of the f-bomb. Also, if you’re easily offended, it’s probably not going to work out between us.

I’m an obsessive worrier, and in addition to writing about all the things that make me anxious, I’ll write about my cancer scares on this blog. In particular, but in no particular order, the scares with my left boob & lumpectomy, my cervix & laser conization procedure, and the most recent ginormous mass / ovarian tumor, which resulted in a hysterectomy. ‘Cause writing about them makes them less scary. (This is a lie).

I won’t write only about cancer scares though. There are other things I want to rant about. Most likely, I’ll spend about 99% of the time ranting about random shit, 17% of the time talking about my dogs and 13% of the time kvetching about cancer scares. (See pie chart below). [1]

Footnote [1] Math word problems are very hard, so quit hassling me about percentages and what adds up to one hundred. I get it, you’re a fuckin’ mathematician now. Also, I may not understand the concept of a pie chart. The percentages above are imprecise, at best, and the drawing below does not accurately show the relative size of each blog category, however, it does accurately represent the actual size of how much more I love pizza than apple pie and math.

 

dwgPieChart_txt

SPOILER ALERT: I should be very clear that I do not have cancer (yet). What I have is an increased risk of getting breast cancer, including too much breast cancer on both sides of my family. I suppose one person with breast cancer in the family would be too much breast cancer, but I have three aunts and a grandmother who all had breast cancer.

Sooo, quit being such a dick, Universe. [2]

Footnote [2] Can you believe I wrote that as though the Universe actually reads my blog? (But if YOU are the Universe, Oh hai! I was totally joking about you being a dick!)

While my three different cancer scares (cervical, breast and ovarian/uterine cancer) were all precancerous cells and/or benign, that doesn’t mean I don’t get to be a nervous wreck and live in fear that my lady parts are trying to whack me. I am also a DES daughter. DES (diethylstilbestrol) is a drug that was given to women to avoid miscarriages, because it appeared to work on sheep. #truestory.

Apparently no one told these quacks doctors about the whole Thalidomide thing that happened in the 50s, so in the late 60s, my mom was prescribed DES while pregnant with me. #WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong.

If the universe wasn’t actually a dick, all the “doctors” who prescribed DES, would now suffer from a leaky anus, or leprosy of the penis, but I haven’t come across any conclusive studies that say that’s happened, so … ball’s in your court Universe.

The Good news: I don’t have any kids, so this won’t be another blog about a sexy mom, who does yoga, loves to shop for shoes, has perfect kids and leads a charmed life. I know… thank gawd right? Finally, a blog that doesn’t lie.

Legal Disclaimer: This blog may contain lies.

Okay, so if you haven’t already gotten the picture, this site may contain a great deal of bitter, anxious, and/or angry blatherings-on, and you may be thinking, “This sounds like just the blog for me!” [3] If so, you and I will be great friends. However, before we get too far, I should warn you, I can’t promise there will never be a video on this site about “unlikely animal friendships.”

I’m not made of wood.

Footnote [3] I think I just made up a new compound word: blatherings-on. It’s about to go viral, but you saw it here first. Tell your friends. This blog is going to be full of win. Or shit. Shit or win, it’s bound to be full of it.

UPDATE 8/6/2015: I just had another wonky mammogram. I have to see a breast surgeon, and according to the radiologist, there will be more biopsies (boob hacking) in my near future … on both sides this time. (I can’t believe how shitty the Universe is treating my breasts).

UPDATE 8/10/2015: Yep. There will be more surgeries coming soon to a hospital near me.