So I was over on one of my favorite blogs today: Always-Drunk and Chuck Baudelaire was talking about being in the process of moving and getting new (faster) internet at her new digs. (Please go check out her site. She’s hilarious.)
Her latest post reminded me of our first house, where we had AOL dial-up. Yep. We’re old. I’m only a few years away from wearing printed house dresses and grannie panties. And I already know it’s just a matter of time before I’m saying, “Eh?” a lot, just like my Scottish grandmother, followed by, “Oy, why do these kids talk so fast? Always rushing,” just like my Jewish grandmother, when referring to anyone under forty.
Anyhoo, the first few years we lived in our current home, we had satellite (horrible, shitty, slow satellite) for both internet and TV. No cable or fiber optic was available. We’re not in actual bumsfuck, but we are bumsfuck-adjacent. We’re about a forty-five minute car ride away from getting stuck behind horses pulling buggies and being able to score some coke off an Amish guy. #NotEvenLying
So when fiber-optic cable and blazing fast internet speed finally came to our neighborhood, you’da thunk we’d died and gone to how-did-we-ever-truly-live-before-we-got-fast-internet heaven. My husband and I should probably just make a suicide pact right now—if we ever have to go back to dial-up, we commit hari-kari. Only is it still considered suicide or hari-kari if you kill someone else? Because we’d be killing the realtor who sold us a place that had shitty internet.
Chuck also had some Star Trek references on her blog post, and I’m really hoping she is a Star Trek fan. I wouldn’t call myself a Trekkie, as I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a Klingon costume at a convention, regardless of how sexy they are, but I could see myself buying a Star Trek soundboard app for my iPad. (Because I did buy a Star Trek soundboard app for my iPad. In case you’re on the fence about buying this, it wasn’t worth it. Just added a few bells and whistles to the tablet. Literally.)
Picture from: http://costumefail.com/category/star-trek/klingons/
Today, we’ve got super fast internet. And with my super fast internet, it took me all of thirty seconds to google that Klingon costume pic. I’m so fuckin’ productive now that I can’t stand myself. I’m gonna Netflix the shit out of this afternoon, because I can.
Live long and go read Always-drunk.com.